Stuff To Laugh At

My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple, and the problem was quickly resolved. On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door. Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment when I heard my partner say, "If you have any more problems, we'll be in your closet."

-----------------------------------------------

To pass the time while our plane was being de-iced, the flight attendants played a trivia game with the passengers. They asked us to guess the total number of years the three of them had worked for the airlines. After an attendant collected our estimates, we heard the announcement: "The correct answer is 26 years. For the two people who came closest with 28 years, we have prizes. And for the passenger in seat 12F who guessed 85 years, would you please step off the plane once we are airborne."

------------------------------------------------

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."

------------------------------------------------

Son asked his mother the following question: "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

----------------------------------------

A counterfeiter decided that the easiest way to pass off his phony $18 bills would be to unload them in some small rural town, so he drove until he found a tiny town with a single general merchandise store. He entered the store, went up to the counter, and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter "Could you change this for me, please?"

The store clerk looked at the bill for a few seconds then smiled at the man. "Of course I can. Would you prefer two $9 bills or three $6 bills?"

------------------------------------------

My friend, an ex-Marine Aviator wanted to show off his new twin-engine plane. I was riding along as he put it through its paces. Suddenly, we were caught in a violent thunderstorm, with lightning crashing all around us. Next, we lost the radio and most of the instruments. As we were being tossed around in the sky, George said, "Uh-oh!"

Fearing the worst, I asked, "What's wrong now?"

He replied, "I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me."

------------------------------------------

"The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”