Buk! Buk!! Buk!!!

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.

Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.

The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.

She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."

Tamil Jokes

 

Failing Slowly

Graffiti wall is vandalized

Clarence and Ole

Ole lived across the river from Clarence--and they didn't like each other at all. They were yelling all the time across the river at each other.

 

Ole would yell to Clarence, "If I had a vay to cross dis river, I'd come over dere an beat you up good, yeah sure ya betcha by golly!"

 

This went on for years. Finally the state built a bridge across the river right there by their houses.

 

Ole's wife, Lena, said, "Now is your chance, Ole, why don't you go over dere & beat up dat Clarence like you said you vould?

 

Ole said, "OK, by yimmy I tink I vill do yust dat." Ole started for the bridge but he saw a sign on the bridge & he stopped to read it, then he turned around & went back home.

 

Lena asked, "Vhy did you come back?"

 

Ole said, "Lena, I tink I change my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence, you know, dey put up a sign on da bridge dat says "Clarence is 13 ft. 6 in." You know, he don't look dat big vhen I yell at him from across da river."

Dreams of animals

 

A Man of Few Words

 

Circle of Life

The Honest Scammer

 

Golf

Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing golf. Moses tees up first, and
hit a pretty good one right down the middle, but it comes up short of
the stream in front of the green and looks like it's going to roll into
the water. Of course, the waters part, and the ball rolls up on the
green, 1 foot from the hole.

Jesus is next, and he smacks a pretty good one right down the middle, as
well. It's only got a little more on it than Moses' shot, though, and
it's heading right for the stream. It lands on the stream, and bounces
and rolls on the top of the water, right up on the green and only 6
inches from the cup.

The old man's turn is next, and he swings a mighty swing, but the ball
begins to slice to the right almost immediately. It hits a tree on the
far right, and just as it hits the ground underneath, a squirrel runs up
and grabs the ball in his mouth, and proceeds to take off across the
fairway. Just then, an eagle spots the rodent from the sky above, and
dives down and grabs the squirrel in it's talons. It begins to fly
away, gaining altitude, but right out of the lone cloud in the sky comes
a bolt of lightening that zaps that poor bird right in the tail
feathers, promptly causing him to drop the squirrel from his clutches.

The squirrel falls to the ground next to the stream, and as he hits, the
ball pops out of his mouth, bounces off a turtle's shell sunning by the
stream, and rolls up onto the green and right into the cup.

Jesus turns to the old man and says, "Nice shot, dad!"

Negative people

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

 

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to
Rome with her husband..  She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who
responded:

 

"Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty..
You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"

 

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

 

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're
always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

 

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River
called Teste."

 

"Don't go any further. I know that place.  Everybody thinks its gonna
be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

 

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

 

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people
trying to see him.  He'll look the size of an ant.

 

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

 

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser
asked her about her trip to Rome .

 

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in
one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they
bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I
had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

 

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling
job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too,
were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at
no extra charge!"

 

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know
you didn't get to see the Pope."

 

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a
Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope
likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step
into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

 

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and
shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

 

"Oh, really!  What'd he say ?"

 

He said: "Who messed up your hair?"