Age Changes Your Priorities...

 

Scenario:                                                                  

 You are in the middle of some kind  of project around the house mowing the 

 lawn, putting a new fence in,  painting the living room, or whatever.  You 

 are hot and sweaty,  covered in dirt or paint.  You have your old work     

 clothes on.   You know, the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old   

 T-shirt  with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis       

 shoes.   Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you    

 realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete  the 

 job .                                                                       

 Depending on your age you might do the following:                          

 

 In your 20's:                                                              

 Stop what you are doing.  Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush  

 your teeth, floss, and  put on clean clothes.  Check yourself in the       

 mirror and flex.   Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never    

 know, you  just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout   

 lane.   You went to school with the pretty girl running the  register.     

 

 In your 30's:                                                              

 Stop what you are doing,  put on clean shorts and shirt.  Change           

 shoes.  You married the  hot chick so no need for much else.  Wash your    

 hands and comb your  hair.  Check yourself in the mirror.  Still got       

 it.  Add  a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.  The cute    

 girl  running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school 

 with.                                                                      

 In your 40's:                                                              

 Stop what you are doing. Put a  sweatshirt that is long enough to cover    

 the hole in the crotch of your  shorts.  Put on different shoes and a      

 hat.  Wash your hands.   Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so   

 you don't want to  waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart.  Check yourself  

 in the  mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.  The spicy young thing 

 running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking    

 she is spicy.                                                              

 In your 50's:                                                              

 Stop what you are  doing.  Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto 

 your shirt.   Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new  

 sports  car.  Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that  

 shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.  The cutie running the        

 register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have      

 it.  Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait  & Beer    

 Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'                                             

 

 In your  60's:                                                             

 Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the  dog shit off 

 your shoes The mirror was shattered when you were in your  50's. You hope  

 you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in  your pants. The    

 girl running the register may be cute, but you don't  have your glasses on 

 so you are not sure.                                                       

 In your  70's:                                                             

 Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have  your      

 prescriptions ready, too.  Don't even notice the dog shit on  your shoes.  

 The young thing at the register smiles at you because you  remind her of   

 her grandfather.                                                           

 

 In your 80's:                                                              

 Stop  what you are doing.  Start again.  Then stop again.  Now  you        

 remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart.  Go to Wal-Mart and  wander around  

 trying to think what the hell it is you are looking for.   Fart out loud   

 and you think you heard someone called out your  name.  You went to school 

 with the old lady who greeted you at the  front door.