To get my unemployment checks, I had to attend a workshop for job seekers. I decided to pass on the
English-as-a-second-language seminar after the teacher explained it was for those of us who "do not feel
their English is that good or would just like it to be more stronger."
-Brad Zukowski
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year
to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
-George Carlin
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach.
Steven Wright
Driving along a country road, I ignored a 'Bridge Out' sign and continued on. But in a few miles I came
to a stop: The road was completely barricaded. So I turned around and retraced my route. That's when
I saw this sign on the back of the first: "It was, wasn't it?"
-Thomas Roy
My heart sank as I read the spam that began, "By opening this email, you have activated the Amish
computer virus." Then I realized that not only was my computer in jeopardy, so was my reputation,
as it continued, "Since the Amish don't have computers, this works on the honor system. Please
delete all your files. Thank you."
-Tracie Walker
There are three kinds of people in the world - those who are good at math and those who aren't.
-Kimberley Deaton
I have CDO. It's like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, like they're supposed to be.
-Hanan Rahman
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