Golf Truisms

May thy ball lie in green pastures ~ and not in still waters.
~ Author Unknown

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
~ Billy Graham

Golf appeals to the idiot and the child in us. Just how childlike golfers become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
~John Updike

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
~ Robert Lynd

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
~ Horace G. Hutchinson

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them.
Golf is more complicated than that.
~ Gardner Dickinson

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
~ Sam Snead

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
~ William Wordsworth

If you drink, don't drive ~ Don't even putt.
~ Dean Martin

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
~ Tommy Bolt

Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one.
~ Author Unknown

I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
~ Bob Hope

My handicap? Woods and irons.
~ Chris Codiroli

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
~ Pete Dye

I'm hitting the woods just great ~ but having a terrible time getting out of them!
~ Author Unknown

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~ Jack Lemmon

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
~ Mark Twain

Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
~ Harry Vardon

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
~ Jimmy DeMaret

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
~ George Deukmejian

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
~ Author Unknown

If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook! If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
~ Author Unknown