Movie Mistakes

 

Coincidence Photography

 

The end is near

A priest and a pastor from the local churches are standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that reads:

                   The End is Near!
                   Turn Yourself Around Now
                   Before It's Too Late!

As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, 'Leave us alone, you religious nuts!'

From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

The priest turns to the pastor and asks, 'Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out'?'

Bass Yahi Baki tha...

 

 

True sentiments?

The Blonde Pilot

A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter. The instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes, and he could instruct her via radio. So up the blonde went.

She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet.

The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was going smoothly.

At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods.

The instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay. As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out.

"What happened?" the instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then?"

"Well, I'm not sure " began the blonde, "I just got cold. So I turned off the ceiling fan."

The New Diet

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dogs at Wal-Mart and was about to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified , she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!

Golf Truisms

May thy ball lie in green pastures ~ and not in still waters.
~ Author Unknown

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
~ Billy Graham

Golf appeals to the idiot and the child in us. Just how childlike golfers become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
~John Updike

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
~ Robert Lynd

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
~ Horace G. Hutchinson

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them.
Golf is more complicated than that.
~ Gardner Dickinson

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
~ Sam Snead

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
~ William Wordsworth

If you drink, don't drive ~ Don't even putt.
~ Dean Martin

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
~ Tommy Bolt

Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one.
~ Author Unknown

I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
~ Bob Hope

My handicap? Woods and irons.
~ Chris Codiroli

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
~ Pete Dye

I'm hitting the woods just great ~ but having a terrible time getting out of them!
~ Author Unknown

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~ Jack Lemmon

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
~ Mark Twain

Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
~ Harry Vardon

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
~ Jimmy DeMaret

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
~ George Deukmejian

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
~ Author Unknown

If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook! If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
~ Author Unknown