Unquotable Quotes

• Going to church doesn't make you any more religious than standing in a garage makes you a car.


• Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. Now, that's just scary, no?


• If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.


• Do not worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.


• It isn't the jeans that make your butt look fat.


• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.


• Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.


• For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.


• Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.


• Eat well, stay fit, and die anyway.


• Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.


• No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. Well, not yet anyway.


• Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.


• There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.


• Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.


• Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.


• If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.