How to be Annoying

• Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".



• Drum on every available surface.



• Sing the Batman theme incessantly.



• Staple papers in the middle of the page.



• Ask 800 operators for dates.



• Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.



• Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.



• Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.



• Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.



• Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".



• Set alarms for random times.



• Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."



• Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.



• Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.



• Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.



• Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.



• Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.



• Honk and wave to strangers.



• Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.



• Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.



• Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.



• Wear your pants backwards.



• Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.



• Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la



• Reed's "Metal Machine Music".



• Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.



• ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.



• only type in lowercase.



• dont use any punctuation either



• Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.



• Pay for your dinner with pennies.



• Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.



• Repeat everything someone says as a question.



• Repeat everything someone says as a question?



• Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.



• Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.



• Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."



• Light road flares on a birthday cake.



• Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.



• Leave tips in Bolivian currency.



• Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".



• Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.



• At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.



• When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.



• Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".



• As much as possible, skip rather than walk.



• Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.



• Finish the 99 bottles of beer on the wall song.



• Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)



• Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.



• Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.



• Drive half a block.



• Name your dog "Dog".



• Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.



• Ask people what gender they are.



• Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."



• Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.



• Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.



• Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".



• Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".



• Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.



• Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. (DAVE, JENN, PAUL & JOHN, equally annoying - the theme to Jesus Christ Super Star!)



• While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.



• Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.



• Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.



• Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.



• Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.



• Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.



• Chew on pens that you've borrowed.



• Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.



• Wear a LOT of cologne.



• Ask to "interface" with someone.



• Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".



• Sing along at the opera.



• Mow your lawn with scissors.



• At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"



• Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".



• Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".



• Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.



• Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".



• Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."



• Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".