Rajanikant Special

 

I Love Poetry

 

Three Detectives

A policeman was testing 3 brothers who were training to become
detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first one a
picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. 'This is your suspect, how
would you recognize him?'

The first one answers, 'That's easy; we'll catch him fast because he
only has one eye!' The policeman says, 'Well...uh...that's because the
picture I showed is his side profile.'

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture
for 5 seconds at the second one and asks him, 'This is your suspect, and
how would you recognize him?'

The second one smiles and says, 'Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because
he only has one ear!' The policeman angrily responds, 'What's the matter
with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because
it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come
up with?'

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third
one and in a very testy voice asks, 'This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him?

He quickly adds, 'Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.' He looks
at the picture intently for a moment and says, 'The suspect wears
contact lenses.' The policeman is surprised and speechless because he
really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. 'Well,
that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check
his file and I'll get back to you on that.' He leaves the room and goes
to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back
with a beaming smile on his face.

'Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear
contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute
observation?'

'That's easy,' he replied. 'He can't wear regular glasses because he
only has one eye and one ear.'

So You Want A Female President?

 

Long Day

 

Some More Funny Pics

Some Funny Pics

To come first in the University......(Tips in Tamil)

பல்கலைக்கழகத்திலேயே முதல் மாணவனா வர சில எளிய வழிகள் ..

அதிகாலையில் 4 மணிக்கு எழுந்திருங்க .. குளிரடிச்சாலும் குளிக்க மறக்காதீங்க .. அதுவும் பச்சைத் தண்ணில குளிச்சா ரொம்ப நல்லது . ஒரு அஞ்சு மணி வாக்கில அம்மா தர்ற டீயையோ சாப்பிட்டுட்டு டி . வி . ஆன் பண்ணுங்க .. லோக்கல் சானல்ல நல்ல பக்தி பாட்டு போடுவாங்க .. இல்லேண்ணா சி .டி . யில பி .சுசிலாவோட பக்திப் பாடல் போட்டு அட்மாஸ்பியர் கிரியேட் பண்ணுங்க .. சூழ்நிலை ரொம்ப முக்கியம் .. மனசை ஒருமுகப் படுத்துங்க .. இப்ப ஆறு மணி ஆகியிருக்கும் .. இப்ப கெளம்புனீங்கன்னா நிச்சயமா நீங்கதான் யுனிவர்சிட்டி ஃபர்ஸ்ட் .. ஒரு ஆறரைக்கெல்லாம் போயிரலாம் .. யுனிவர்சிட்டிக்கு ..!

Black Robbers - True Story

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City , a woman won a bucketful of
quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner
with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to
stash the quarters in her room. "I'll be right back and we'll go to
eat," she told her husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the
elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already
aboard. Both were black. One of them was tall...very tall...an
intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: "These
two are going to rob me." Her next thought was: "Don't be a bigot;
they look like perfectly nice gentlemen." But racial stereotypes are
powerful, and immobilized her. She stood and stared at the two men.
She felt anxious, flustered and ashamed. She hoped they didn't read
her mind but gosh, they had to know what she was thinking!!!

Her hesitation about joining them in the elevator was all too obvious
now. Her face was flushed. She couldn't just stand there, so with a
mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and
followed with the other foot and was on the elevator. Avoiding eye
contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as
they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then
another. Her fear increased! The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed
her. "My God," she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed! Her
heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore.

Then one of the men said, "Hit the floor." Instinct told her to do
what they told her. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw
out her arms and collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins
rained down on her. Take my money and spare me, she prayed. More
seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, "Ma'am, if
you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the
button." The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words
out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. The woman lifted
her head
and up at the two men They reached down to help her up. Confused, she
struggled to her feet. "When I told my friend here to hit the floor,"
said the average sized one, "I meant that he should hit the elevator
button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am."
He spoke genially. He bit his lip It was obvious he was having a hard
time not laughing. The woman thought: "My God, what a spectacle I've
made of myself." She was too humiliated to speak. She wanted to
blurt out an apology, but words failed her. How do you apologize to
two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were
going to rob you? She didn't know what to say. The three of them
gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the
elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her
room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid
she might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a
good evening. As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring
with laughter as they walked back to the elevator. The woman brushed
herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for
dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room - a dozen roses.

Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill.

The card said: "Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years."

It was signed:
Eddie Murphy
Michael Jordan

How stock market works...

It was autumn, and the Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their
New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red
Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was
Going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his
Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members
Of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He
Went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked
"Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is
Going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service
Responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more
Wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it
Going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather
Service again replied, "It's definitely going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
Every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the
National Weather Service again. "Are you Absolutely sure that the winter
is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," The Man replied. "It's going to
be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The
Red Indians are collecting wood like Crazy."

This is how stock markets work!!!

Little Becky - The Prank Caller

Here’s some great audio of an 8-year old girl from Dublin, Ireland making prank phone calls. Becky is featured on an Irish morning radio show.

Becky’s Demolition Company

Becky’s Driving Test

Becky Rings the Zoo

Becky and the Spare Tyre

Becky Wants to Be a Hairdresser

Becky Calls Up An Annoying Advertiser From TV

Becky Wants To Be a Footballer’s Wife

Becky Hires a Crane (and starts to crack up!)

Becky Pretends to Be Mariah Carey

(From: http://www.johntedwards.com/2006/10/15/little-irish-girl-prank-calls/)

New Bluetooth Technology

 

Some Questions

1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be
given a thought)

2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good
thinking)

3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)

4. Can you cry under water? (let me try)

5. Why do people say, "you've been working like adog" when dogs just
sitaround all day? (I think they meant something else)

6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God
knows)

7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)

8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by oneseyes)

9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I
will stayand watch)

10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oilis made from
vegetables,then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)

11. What should one call a male ladybird? (Nocomments)

12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they
remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )

13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)

14. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange
isn't it)

15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on
your radio would you be able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)

16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your
headlights on, what happens?

17. Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)

18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130
when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

19. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in
Bars?

Another Toy Recalled

If you or anyone you know has one of these, it has been recalled as
being unsafe...

Murphy's Laws

The PRIME Axiom: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can
go wrong, will.

2. If the possibility exists of several things going wrong, the one
that will go wrong is the one that will do the most damage.
3. Everything will go wrong at one time.
3.1 That time is always when you least expect it.
4. If nothing can go wrong, something will.
5. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
6. Everything takes longer than you think.
7. Left to themselves, things always go from bad to worse.
8. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
9. Given the most inappropriate time for something to go wrong, that's
when it will occur.
10. Mother Nature is a bitch.
10.1 The universe is not indifferent to intelligence, it is
actively hostile to it.
11. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
overlooked something.
12. If in any problem you find yourself doing an immense amount of
work, the answer can be obtained by simple inspection.
13. Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found
to make it complex and wonderful.
14. If it doesn't fit, use a bigger hammer.
15. In an instrument or device characterized by a number of
plus-or-minus errors, the total error will be the sum of all the errors
adding in the same direction.
16. In any given calculation, the fault will never be placed if more
than one person is involved.
16.1 In any given discovery, the credit will never be properly
placed if more than one person is involved.
17. All warranty and guarantee clauses become invalid upon payment of
the final invoice.
18. Murphy's Law: "If there are two or more ways to do something, and
one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it."

Creative Ads

An Amazing Elephant Story

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from
Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a
young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The
elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a
large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as
he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which
the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the
man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for
several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but
being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and
walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his
teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the
creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron
were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front
foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several
times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this
was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the
railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the
elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again,
wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the
railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

The Duck

A Duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of bitter and a ham sandwich. 

 

The barman looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".

 

 "I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.

"And you talk!" exclaims the barman.
  

"I see your ears are working", says the duck,
 

"Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
 

"Certainly", says the barman, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get  many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
 

"I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the   duck.
 

Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.
 

This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town.

The Ringmaster of the circus comes into the pub and the barman says to  him, "You're with the circus aren't you? I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".

"Sounds marvelous", says the ringmaster, "get him to give me a call".

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr.Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!"

"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"

"At the circus", says the barman.

"The circus?" the duck enquires.

"That's right", replies the barman.

"The circus?" the duck asks again.

"Yes" says the barman

"That place with the big tent?" the duck enquires.

"Yeah" the barman replies.

"With all the animals?" the duck questioned.

"Of Course" the barman replies.

"With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck looks confused. "What the hecck would they want with a plasterer?"

Chimp Delivery

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. 

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"  

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"  

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back who have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?   I'll give you $100 for your trouble."  

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

 

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was stunned to see the blond woman; she was walking down the street holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.  With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to her.  

"What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

 

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but we had money left over---so now we're going to Sea World"

--  

Movie Mistakes