One day Lord Shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol. So he changed his get-up and went to a bar and asked the bartender : "What all do you have".
Bartender :"We have whisky, rum, vodka,gin, beer etc etc.".
Lord Shiva: "Let's try whisky first,give me 5 bottles of whisky". After having 5 bottles of whisky,
Lord shiva decided to try Rum.
Bartender was shocked :"Who is this man, after having 5 bottles of whisky, he is still on his feet".
After having 5 bottles of Rum, Lord Shiva decided to have beer. After having 40 bottles of beer, he asked the bartender for Gin.
Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him : "Sir, who are you?? I ve seen people getting drunk after having 4 glasses of whisky, and you've almost had 50 bottles and you are still on your feet, who are you"
Lord Shiva : "kulanthaai Naaan thaan siva perumaaan"
Bartender : Thoda... Ippo thhaaan mappillaikku ... mappu yeruthu ……
Friday, November 24, 2006
Talking Chinese
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree
Friday, November 17, 2006
The Lie Clock
Rabri Devi died and went to heaven .As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Rabri,
"Who's clock is that?"
"That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never
told a lie."
"And whose clock is that?"
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us
that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."
Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"
Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj,
"I'm using it as a ceiling fan".
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Rabri,
"Who's clock is that?"
"That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never
told a lie."
"And whose clock is that?"
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us
that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."
Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"
Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj,
"I'm using it as a ceiling fan".
Friday, November 10, 2006
The Collection
Employees of Software Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office time.
Some trainees, who had just joined,notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped our Project Manager. They're asking for a Rs.500 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."
One trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"About a litre."
Some trainees, who had just joined,notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped our Project Manager. They're asking for a Rs.500 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."
One trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"About a litre."
Three Eager Blondes
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position in the Detective Division of the Dallas, Texas, Police Department. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So, y'all wanna be cops, huh?"
The blondes all nodded eagerly.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened the folder and pulled out a picture and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features, and oddities such as scars and so forth."
So saying, he stuck the picture in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after a few seconds. "Now, did you notice any distinguishing features on this man?"
The blonde immediately answered, "Yes, Sir, I did! He only has one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he only has one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!!!!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked sadly out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photograph in her face for a few seconds, pulled it away and asked, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Oh, yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! Your'e dismissed, too!"
The second blonde turned and walked sheepishly out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said wearily, "This is probably a waste of time," but he flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde replied eagerly, "I sure did! I just bet this man wears contact lenses!"
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "Why, you're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."
The blondes all nodded eagerly.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened the folder and pulled out a picture and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features, and oddities such as scars and so forth."
So saying, he stuck the picture in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after a few seconds. "Now, did you notice any distinguishing features on this man?"
The blonde immediately answered, "Yes, Sir, I did! He only has one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he only has one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!!!!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked sadly out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photograph in her face for a few seconds, pulled it away and asked, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
"Oh, yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! Your'e dismissed, too!"
The second blonde turned and walked sheepishly out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said wearily, "This is probably a waste of time," but he flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde replied eagerly, "I sure did! I just bet this man wears contact lenses!"
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "Why, you're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."
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