Worst birthday surprise in history

 

 

Imagine this -- you walk into a custom confectionery and inform the design team that you want the image on a USB flash drive made onto a very special cake. In fact, you even leave the flash drive with them so they can really look it over. Sure, you'd think they would get to frost-brushing that unicorn flying through a rainbow right onto the cake, but apparently the artists in question had other ideas. 

 

Namely, creating a photo-perfect replica of a Lexar flash drive on the surface of what appears to be an otherwise delicious pile of sugar. Seriously. 

 

Too bad about that black icing, birthday boy.

Telepresence

 

When I was your age....

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball, directly between the ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

Funny Error Messages

 

Natural Born Citizen

The following is a funny and true story shared by KC Williams who teaches AP Government at Santa Fe High School. In one of KC's classes, they were discussing the qualifications to be president of the United States . It was pretty simple.

The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.

KC and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating  

 "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by c-section?"

And someday she'll vote.

New kind of sale

 

Cats can sleep anywhere..!!

 

Computer Troubles

- Computer manufacturers are considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

- A technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into his typewriter to type the labels.

- A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes.

- A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put the disk in, asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and closing the door to his room.

- A customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then he removed all the keys and washed them individually.

- An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldn't get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

- Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

Edible Ties and more...

 

Boss Alarm

 

Vijay Jokes - 2

48+2 can sit in a bus


28+2 can sit in a mini bus

15+1 can sit in a van

8+1 can sit in a Sumo

3+1 can sit in a auto

1+1 can sit in a bike

but not even one can sit and watch Villu film

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Vijay:ennaku oru watch venum..

Watch salesman:indhanga sir..!!.

vijay:indha watch nalla oduma???....

watch salesman:unga padatha vida nallave odum...

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CHandramukhi = Split personality

Anniyan = Multiple personality

VILLU = NO PERSONALITY

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1980 -- Adho nila paaru..

1990 -- Paei varum..

2000 -- poochnadi varuvan..

2009 -- Vijay varuvan..

All Mothers r thanking vijay for his Help

Dr.Vijay Rocks

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Vijay watches Kannada actor puneeth rajkumar's movie "Ajay"

Vijay :- Dad this movie will be a super hit movie in tamil y dont u buy the rights of this movie ?? Y don;t u buy the rights of this movie?? I want to act in his movie b4 Jeyam ravi buys the rights. I want to act in this movie dad.

His dad -: Dai naaye that is the remake of ur movie Ghilli in kannada. U had already acted in this movie which was copied from telugu movie " Okkadu"

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ரசிகர்: ஹலோ பெப்சி உமாவா?எனக்கு வில்லு படத்துல இருந்து ஏதாவது பாட்டு போடுங்க.....

உமா: கொஞ்சம் பொறுங்க இன்னும் ரெண்டு நாள்ல படத்தையே போடுறோம்...

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விஜய் fan: தளபதி வாங்க செஸ் விளையாடலாம்....

இளயதளபதி: நீங்க போங்க நான் ஸ்போர்ட்ஸ் shoe போட்டுட்டு வந்துடறேன்....

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கின்னஸ் புக்கில் தான் தான் இன்னும் மிக பெரிய காமெடியனா என பார்க்க போன சர்தார் திரும்பி வரும் போது ஆவேசமாக,

"யார் அந்த குருவி விஜய்"

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ஒருவர்: அங்கே என்ன அவ்வளவு கூட்டம் ?

மற்றொருவர்: யாரோ வில்லு படத்த ரிசர்வ் பண்ணி பாக்க வந்து இருக்காங்களாம்...

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போலீஸ்: இன்னைக்கு உனக்கு தூக்கு உன் கடைசி ஆசை என்ன?

கைதி: படம் பார்க்கணும்...

போலீஸ்: சரி வில்லு போகலாமா ?

கைதி:அதுக்கு என்ன நீங்க தூக்குலயே போட்டுடலாம்...

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விஜய் அவங்க அம்மாவிடம் : ஏம்மா என்ன கருப்பா பெத்த?

ஷோபா: கலரா இருந்தா மட்டும் நீ என்ன நடிக்கவா போற ? ரீமேக்கு இது போதும்.

Friday the 13th

 

Oh my god...

 

For a rib...

After God created Adam, and Adam had been in the Garden for a really long time, he started to get a little lonely. So, Adam went to God and said, "This Garden is amazing, but I'm starting to get a little lonely; is there anyone that you can send to keep me company?"

 

God answered, "I have the perfect person. She will help you with almost everything. She'll clean, cook, wash you clothes, be your friend, and even rub your feet after a long day. She really is perfect in every way!"

 

Adam said, "That sounds great! How soon can you send her?"

 

God replied again, "I can send her right away, but there is one thing ... it's going to cost you an arm and a leg to get her."

 

Adam thought for a moment, and then said, "What can I get for a rib?"

Sipping Vodka

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm..

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1)   Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.

12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'..

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Simple home remedies

 

Amazingly simple home remedies

1. if you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. presto! the blockage will instantly remove itself.

 

2. avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

 

3. avoid arguments about the toilet seat - use the sink.

 

4. for high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. remember to use a timer.

 

5. a mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

 

6. if you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. then you'll be afraid to cough.

 

7. you only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. if it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

 

8. remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

 

9. if you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Sitting arrangement for cost cutting..