You might be a super hero if you can.........

     turn invisible in a totally dark room or when no one is watching.
     keep your body at room temperature for several minutes at a time.
     remain awake and alert after drinking six cans of Jolt Cola.
     move so slowly that time moves at it's normal rate.
     shoot fire from your fingertips but only with the intensity of a small bic lighter.
     move from room to room at will.
     consume 11 Reeses peanut butter cups with no immediate ill effects.
     keep chaste and pure thoughts even though the new Victoria's Secret catalog has just arrived. (Note : this super power is very difficult and is rarely used properly.)
     use use super mental powers to know what number you've selected when someone asks you to pick a number.
     raise or lower your cholesterol at will.
     use your heat vision to make burritos so hot that they can't be eaten.
     use your super cold icy breath to freeze things - but only when sucking in. (see above)
     divide by zero and live to tell about it.
     use your super vision to tell the difference in the 17 different colors of blue that your wife is considering painting the front room.
     use you super senses to determine that your wife has gained 1/4 pound or added a 1/4 inch to her butt. Unfortunately, your super honesty power forces you to let her know when she asks.
    use your super skills to duck (see above).
     when tied up with thick ropes and heavy chains, you can prevent the ropes and chains from snapping and possibly hitting someone in the eye.
     determine if someone has eaten corn in the last 24 hours.
     sink in water.
     instantly identify where smells are coming from.
     hold up a wall.
     use the Vulcan Mind Meld to tell if someone is lactose intolerant.
     use the Pluto Mind Meld. But this super power is rarely used since Pluto is no longer a planet.
     retreat to your Secret Fortress of Solitude on the sun - but only at night.
     use your laser vision, but just for pointing at stuff across the room.
     always win Rock-Paper-Scissors.
     enter Canada without suffering any ill effects.
     make yourself smell like any food.
     use your super sensory powers to find furniture with your toes in a dark room.
     practically see through light, frilly fabric. (This skill takes years to perfect.)
     stop a beam light with nearly any solid object.
     make radio wave pass undetected through you body.
     even when blind folded, use your super sensory powers to detect if there are any 7 foot tall, 400 pound, angry brown bears in the room.
     jump over small models of tall buildings.
     catch a speeding bullet that has hit the wall, fallen to the ground, and then tossed to you by your trusty sidekick.
     run faster than a train that is pulling into the station.
     use you super mental powers to think about large, heavy, metal objects.
     use you super strength to push large, heavy, metal objects.
     use your super sensory power of touch to detect if an object is very hot and then you can use use your super speed to drop it on the floor.
     use your super mental powers to to prevent unwanted mind scans, even with only one layer of aluminum foil on your head.
     store large amounts of solar energy just below the surface of your skin which will cause skin to change from pink to red to bright crimson as the amount of stored energy goes up.
     stare at the moon with out any damage to your eyes. (Children - please do not try this at home.)
     cause ice to melt from across the room, from across the state, or even from across the country.
     use your bare chest to deflect sound waves.
     when forced to remain in a long, boring meeting, make your legs fall asleep in order to conserve your super energy.
     when forced to remain in a long really boring meeting, make your whole body fall asleep in order to conserve even more  super energy.
     when you are doing surveillence in a singles bar, you can use your super mental powers to come up with lame pickup lines to keep the crowds of hot babes from encroaching in your space and preventing you from using your super ninja fighting powers.
     use your ability to make shadow puppets of ferocious lions and tigers to instill fear in the perps until the authorities arrive.
     if attacked by a small child with a squirt gun, you can soak the water into your super power suit and thereby avoiding any water damage to the surrounding environment.
     use use super mental powers to make anyone forget where they left their keys.
     program a vcr. (Or a Tivo if you're under 25.)
     lift large empty boxes that once held large heavy things.
     change large stacks of wood into large stacks of sawdust.
     read hundreds of pages of users manuals, how-to-guides, and instruction manuals and not clutter up your brain by retaining any of it.
     watch 6 hours of professional bowling and remember each players name, lifetime statistics, place of birth, mothers maiden name, and shoe size.
     use your super dexterity to correctly fold a map. But that is never necessary because you can use your super sense of direction and never get lost.
     hold your breath as long as necessary (or until you pass out).
     be unaffected my tear gas or noxious odors. (see above)
     change a babies diaper in less that 17 minutes. (see above)
     fend of attacks by herds of ferocious sea turtles.