Resume Blunders

(From actual resumes as reported by Fortune magazine)

"I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."

"I have lurnt WordPerfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheat progroms"

"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

"Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave."

"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institu- tions."

"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."

"It's best for employers that I not work with people."

"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."

"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."

"As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing invest- ments."

"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Marital status: often. Children: various."

"Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions."

"Finished eighth in my class of ten."

"References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."