Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Things I would love to say at work

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
 
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
 
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
 
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
 
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
 
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
 
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
 
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn. (My fav :-)
 
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
 
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
 
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
 
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
 
And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
 
Do I look like a people person?
 
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
 
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
 
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
 
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
 
Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
 
How do I set a laser pointer to stun?
 
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.

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