Bar Jokes

* A skeleton walks into a bar
Orders a beer and a mop
 
* A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich. When he finishes, he gets up, pays his bill, and heads for the exit. At the door, he turned around, pulls out a gun, shoots the piano player, and heads out the door.
The bartender is shocked and says "Hey! Why'd you shoot my piano player".
The panda says, "Look it up; it's what I do," and walks out.
The bartender looks up "panda" in the dictionary: "Panda: Large black-and-white herbivorous mammal of bamboo forests that eats, shoots, and leaves."
 
* A duck walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer and put it on my bill."
 
* A  horse walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "Hey Buddy, why the long face?".
 
* A jumper cable walks in to a bar
Bartender says "I'll serve ya, but don't start anything"
 
* A piece of string goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve string in here. Get out."
So the piece of string leaves, ties a knot at one of its ends, tousels the strands just above the knot and goes back into the bar.
"Hey," says the bartender. "Weren't you just in here? Aren't you that piece of string I just kicked out?"
"No," answers the string. "I'm a frayed knot."

 

* A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Give me a beer...[long pause] ... and some peanuts."
Bartender: "Sure, but what's with the big pause?"
The bear looks at his paws and says, "Oh, these? I was born with them."

 

* Rene Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks: "Good evening Monsieur Descartes. Shall I get you the usual?"
Descartes replies, "No, I think not," and promptly vanishes.

 

* A guy walks into a bar and says..... "OUCH!"